God's little post-it notes

So last night I'm crying again, this time about how this coming weekend was supposed to be our wedding and how I don't look like "me" anymore - or at least not yet. I pointed out how every girl has at least one feature she can feel really good about, her hair, her skin or her legs etc., but that right now I don't feel good about anything about myself. I was especially sad about my hair because as cute as my new short haircut is (Thanks Laura!), I had been growing it out for the wedding, so we could adorn it with a huge orchid. I know, what a bummer, huh?

But then today I was checking my emails and decided to look at today's daily "Word with Joel Osteen" and the scripture quoted was this: “And even the very hairs of your head are numbered” (Matthew 10:30) With a little smile I thanked God for the reminder that I am not going through this alone and that there is someone who knows, full well, what I am going through. This is an especially welcome and comforting thought after getting passed from one doctor to another who will not/cannot treat me. I'll tell you, it can make you feel really isolated and a bit hopeless when no one seems to have any answers.

The rest of the email from Joel was also really on point for how I've been feeling this week -

"We hear all the time that nothing is too big for God. But have you ever thought that a problem was too small for God? Are
there things in your life that you haven’t prayed about simply because you thought it didn’t matter to God? Every detail
of your life is important to God. He knows the very number of hairs you have on your head! That’s pretty amazing to
think about. If He keeps track of every hair that falls from your head, surely He cares about the things that you care about
in your life. "

-because although the worst of it is over, there are still many little hurdles to overcome. For example, I didn't get my period the whole time I was in the hospital. And since the tissue damage was inside and out, there was the possibility that my ovaries could be damaged, just as any of my other organs could have been. It was a huge relief when I did finally get my period again last week because that is a good sign that Jon and I will be able to have our own little babies someday!

Ok- I gotta go to bed now. I have an appointment with a dermatologist tomorrow who supposedly has some "experience" with TENS. My only hope is that he may be able to help me and some problem areas on my skin. I also hope he my know of a regular doctor who has also dealt with it. I'll let you know how it goes!